When people hear the word recovery, they often think addiction — alcohol, drugs, gambling. Rarely do we connect it to relationships. Yet, anyone who has loved, lived with, or left a narcissist knows: reclaiming yourself after abuse requires a level of healing every bit as structured, layered, and courageous as the 12-step journey of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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1. Acceptance of Reality

AA Step 1 begins with admitting the problem is real. Healing from narcissistic abuse begins the moment you finally accept this wasn’t love — it was manipulation. You surrender the fantasy, stop minimizing, and acknowledge the emotional harm that was done. Like I often say: what you’re not changing, you’re choosing. Acceptance becomes your moment of truth — and your doorway out.

2. You Can’t Do This Alone

AA members rely on sponsors and fellowship. Survivors of narcissistic abuse must also find support — therapists, best friends, faith, fellow survivors. Isolation keeps you stuck in the fog. Community brings clarity, strength… and hope.

3. Rebuilding a Sense of Self

Where AA seeks spiritual awakening, survivors seek self-awakening. After narcissistic abuse, you must rebuild who you are from the inside out. You rediscover your voice, passions, and worth. You begin to believe — in yourself again, and in God’s ability to restore what was broken.

4. Taking Inventory of the Damage

Step 4 in AA requires fearless self-inventory. Survivors similarly ask: Where did I abandon myself? What boundaries did I allow to be crossed… and why? This isn’t self-blame; it’s sacred awareness that leads to better boundaries — and better choices.

5. Making Amends — To Yourself

In AA, amends are made to those you’ve harmed. Survivors make amends to the person they harmed most: themselves. You forgive yourself for staying, for trying, for believing lies. You choose self-compassion over self-criticism.

6. Daily Maintenance (Because Triggers Are Real)

Healing isn’t linear — you may still crave them, miss them, dream of the good times. That’s the trauma bond, not love. Just like AA members need daily check-ins to stay sober, survivors need daily practices — prayer, gratitude, affirmations, exercise, therapy — to stay emotionally free.

7. Helping Others

AA teaches that helping others is the final step in healing. Survivors often feel a deep calling to help other women — to share their story, speak truth, shine light into the darkness. When your pain becomes your purpose, you know you’re free.

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Believe — And Remember Why You Were Chosen for This Journey

Believe in yourself. Believe in God. Believe that you were brought into a narcissistic relationship not to destroy you, but to teach you, grow you, and awaken you. This was part of your soul curriculum — your time in the wilderness. And now? You’re walking back home to yourself.

Recovery isn’t a one-time decision — it’s a thousand brave choices, made one day at a time. But I promise you: if you keep choosing yourself, keep choosing truth, keep choosing God… freedom finds you.