Dear Younger Me,

I know you’re in a place right now where confusion and doubt are part of your daily life. You’re questioning yourself because the one person who is supposed to love you makes you feel like you’re crazy. But hear me when I say this, “You are not crazy. Your feelings deserve recognition, and your reality is valid.”

Breaking free from a toxic relationship, especially with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits, is daunting, but it’s essential. You’re not losing your mind; you’re losing yourself in this destructive cycle. The manipulation, the gaslighting, the constant need to cater to someone who loves only what you can do for them, not you as a person—it’s taking its toll.

You need to know this earlier: he will never change. His love is conditional and transactional, bound by what he can gain, not by genuine affection or respect. Staying in this relationship, thinking it might be better for the children, is misleading. Children soak up their environments more than we realize. They are learning what a dysfunctional relationship looks like, potentially setting them up for similar patterns in their own lives.

It’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Setting boundaries will not make you a villain but rather a protector of your peace. Recognize that you deserve respect from your husband, as do all people who share their lives so intimately. It’s not selfish to want a life where you are seen and valued for who you are, not just what you provide or endure.

Reflecting on this, consider this your action plan:

1. Acknowledge: Accept that your situation is not your fault. Acknowledging the reality without blame helps you reclaim your power.
2. Set Boundaries: Practice saying no. No to behaviors that are hurtful, no to blame that isn’t yours, and yes to your autonomy.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: Your well-being is crucial. Seek therapy, join support groups, do whatever it takes to build a safety net of care around yourself.
4. Make the Tough Decisions: Know that leaving may be hard, but sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones that set us free.

I believe in your strength to break the cycle. You are resilient, and your life beyond this relationship is filled with peace and respect. Don’t allow fear to be your captor; let it fuel your strength and courage to change course.

With all the love and understanding that comes from hindsight,

Your Future Self