May 6 – Third Party Reinforcements
Narcissist need backup. Their egos are massive. They will convince/sway everyone to be on their side. You won’t win, you can’t. They weave their victims into a triangle of defeat manipulated by the best of the best. I was no match for the Silver Tongued Devil nor his maelstrom of Machiavellian schemes designed to isolate me from everything and everyone I had known and loved.
He took advantage as often as possible to build his case against me to our friends, family, even our children. On one specific occasion he purposely staged an event, with no regards for our son who was caught in the crosshairs, to reinforce his case against me with our court ordered co-parenting therapist.
Headbutt Incident – (Staging #17)
We had been in mediation all day while our son was home alone during summer break. It was a Monday evening and also golf league night for Scott. I was sure he would leave Cooper home alone again on his parenting time as he did so often before.
Settlement talks hadn’t gone well and my attorney suggested that I spend the night somewhere safe, away from Scott. Knowing he was away that evening, I went to grab a few items that I would need to take to Melissa’s, my friends house for the night. When I told our son, Cooper where I was going, he begged to go swimming in her pool for a few hours. (Melissa also has two other children close in age to Cooper.) Feeling sorry for our son, I agreed to take him while Scott was golfing. I left Scott a message on the OFW site notifying him of our plans and assured him that I would have Cooper home at 8:30 p.m. I didn’t think this would be a problem. The previous week, Scott didn’t come home from golf until well after 10 p.m., (then assaulted me.) My attorney was right, I should have grabbed my stuff and ran. What happened next was truly unbelievable.
I was surprised to see Scott had pulled into the driveway behind me at precisely 8:30 p.m., blocking my car in. Cooper was complaining on the way home that he wasn’t feeling well and needed some sinus medication. Nervous, I explained that I was just dropping Cooper off as instructed and that he needed medicine that was located in his bathroom.
Making excuses, Scott said that he didn’t know what to give Cooper and asked that I quickly do it before I leave. Not wanting to leave our son in distress (which you know Scott would have claimed later) I caved and went back into the house. Big mistake. Scott followed me.
With my heart pounding, I quickly went upstairs into Cooper’s bathroom and proceeded to get the medicine, right where I said it was. While I was pouring the medicine into the little plastic measuring cup, Scott followed me into our son’s room and began accusing me of taking Cooper on his parenting time. He threatened that he was going to file a complaint with Child Protective Services and that no court would ever grant me custody because I was “a crazy psycho bi*ch” and more. Sensing Scott had been drinking, and fearful for my safety, I turned my phone record button on and stuck it in my pocket. (I took my chances of going against the judge’s orders not to record – I knew I needed a safety net.)
With my shoes in one hand and Cooper’s medicine in my other hand, I turned to exit the bathroom. Scott stood there blocking the door, all 5’11 and 175 pounds of drunkin’ rage. Scott continued to yell at me as I repeatedly asked him, “Please leave me alone. Please move.”
Scott not moving continued his verbal lashing. Over and over I asked him to walk away, to please move. I was afraid to push past Scott, knowing he would claim that I assaulted him as he had done so before. Continuing to repeat over and over for Scott to leave me alone and to walk away, I made the mistake of raising my voice to the Supreme Being. Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde came over his face, like a mask being pulled down.
Now Mr. Hyde, with a crazed look in his eyes proceeded to yell, “Oh, My, God! You just headbutted me! Oh! My God!” getting louder each time. Then to my utter shock, Scott began hitting HIMSELF on the forehead repeatedly!
Continuing even louder, Scott then began to scream Cooper’s name over and over yelling, “Cooper, help! Mommy is beating me! Stop Mommy! Stop beating me!” “Cooper help!”
Scott continued his unbelievable act running out of the bathroom in search for our son who was downstairs at the time all the while slapping his own forehead and screaming that I was beating him. I stood there completely dazed, with the medicine and my shoes in hand wondering had that really just happened? And, oh my God! I hoped that my recording worked!
Eerily serene, probably in a stupor at what I had just witnessed, I went in search of our son. I found him downstairs alone crying on the sunroom sofa. I handed our son his medicine and explained that I did not hurt his father and that I had to leave for the night. I kissed him on the forehead and left.
Scott was in the garage waiting for me as I left, and pretending, YES pretending, to be on the phone with the police (I didn’t know that at the time). I didn’t say a word, just got in my car and drove straight to Melissa’s house. At 9:14 p.m. Scott sent me a message. It said, “Don’t come home tonight. I’m fearful for my safety!” At 9:16 p.m. Cooper sent me a message saying that he was afraid of his father. He also didn’t feel well and begged me to come home. I was crushed.
I just couldn’t go back — fearful of my safety. I was also worried about when and how the police would contact me. According to Melissa, they would probably call first, then come to interview me. (They never did.) Thank goodness I had Melissa, my retired police officer friend. She got me through some of the worst of times.
After listening to the unbelievable recording with Melissa, I was relieved that one could hear me calmly claim that I was not touching him and that he was in fact hitting himself. Besides the fact I’m 5’2, and he’s 5’11. It would be nearly impossible for me to physically headbutt the man unless I had a step stool!
Next Day – Stay Away
When I returned home, in front of our son, Scott said, “Stay away from me; you hurt me yesterday.” Scott had also sent correspondence to his attorney stating that I had assaulted him. I couldn’t believe it. Thank goodness I had recorded the incident and shared my story and recording with my attorney. Kelly, my attorney, admonished me, angry that I had gone against the judge’s orders not to record. Didn’t she understand my need for safety? Especially given all the past times Scott had tried to frame me for something I didn’t do?
Before our co-parenting session, I shared the recording of the headbutt incident with our court ordered co-parenting therapist, Jessica. I was taking a chance because I was essentially admitting that I violated the judge’s orders not to videotape or record. But I felt it was crucial that Scott’s behavior and attempts to frame me be exposed.
During our therapy session together, Jessica gently led into questions about what happened over the weekend. Without a twitch, Scott convincingly told her that I had attacked and headbutted him. When she asked if Scott called the police, he admitted to lying about that, stating he was trying to scare me. And didn’t want to press charges against me (again). I was shocked he acknowledged it, but then again it would be easy to disprove as there would be no police report.
After sharing his very long and detailed rendition of the incident, Jessica said to Scott, “Did you know that your wife recorded the incident? And, that she shared a copy of that recording with me?” . . . Dead silence.
Jessica went on to say that it was apparent that Scott had lied and staged the attack in attempts to frame me. She also indicated that she heard me ask him more than a dozen times to leave me alone and to walk away, which he refused obviously in attempted to harass and traumatize me.
Thrown off base, you could see Scott’s mind plotting what to say next. Not surprisingly, Scott stuck to his story without a twinge of remorse. As the seconds ticked by on the clock he said, “Well everything I’ve told you is the truth.” That’s it.
Jessica’s reply, “As long as you continue to lie and not take accountability for your actions Scott, I can no longer be your therapist.” So be it. The session ended and we walked out.
Later that evening, I was amazed when Scott sent me a text asking, “Do you want this to be over?” And “Do you still want a divorce?” Seriously, was he trying to save our marriage after he just tried to frame me and put me in jail! By this point I’d lost count of how many events Scott had purposely orchestrated and staged to reinforce his position with our court ordered co-parenting therapist in his claims that I was an abusive, unfit mother. This time, however, it backfired.
A few days later, forced to admit his lies, Scott called our therapist and took accountability. It was the only way he could redeem himself. It was that or explain to the judge why we were no longer seeing the the co-parenting therapist as directed.
Throughout the divorce Scott coldly and masterfully orchestrated more than 33 devastating attacks designed to make me look crazy and violent in attempts to get custody of the kids he hardly even knew.
Our therapist later testified against Scott about the events that happened that day which was a key factor as to his true character. It was evident that he would do whatever it took to win. It was a game, one he had to win at all costs using whatever means and third-party reinforcements.