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January 1 – Supreme Being 

It’s a new year — that’s an understatement.  As I sit here alone at my brother’s kitchen table in Florida I thought “At least the invisible prison I was locked in was predictable.”  The vast unknown is far more terrifying.  My brother Greg and his wife Allison took off for a few days on a boat trip, so I offered to watch their dogs and spend a few days alone contemplating my next steps after my light bulb moment. I explained to the children that Mommy just needed a few days to herself and would be returning home shortly.   

Sitting here while painting a water color in their Florida home, I decided to watch Leah Remini’s Scientology New Year’s Eve marathon.  According to their website, Scientology “leads one to a growing understanding of one’s relationship to self, family, groups, the human race, all life forms, the material universe, the spiritual universe, and the Supreme Being.” I felt amazed at how all those people had become so brainwashed, blindly following David Miscavige, the leader of their church, investing huge amounts of time and money for a cause or religion they believed in. 

(I was oblivious to the fact that I had done exactly the same thing over the past thirty years.  Scott was my Supreme Being, and I was the one being brainwashed, alienated, forced into financial dependence, and manipulated into staying in a very toxic relationship.  My very own House of Horrors.)

Unbeknownst to Scott, my attorney is preparing papers for divorce.  I’ve been working with her assistant getting it ready to file.  Unfortunately, it’s the holiday season, so staff is sparse and court hours are limited. I can’t believe it’s come to this.  I know I’m doing the right thing.  Scott’s continuous messages berating me only further validate my decision.