January Recap ….

September 16, 20181 Comment

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January Summary – One Month Into My Divorce

Amicable? Peaceful? Let our attorneys work it out? Scott had been anything but amicable one month into our divorce ‘process’ as he professed so often to anyone who would listen. (They say hindsight is 20/20 – the following year would be ugly, malicious and devastating. I still can’t believe I survived it all, despite everything. Then there’s that age old saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” … Call me Hercules!)

Over the course of the past month, Scott had sabotaged my client / attorney relationship, which compromised my subsequent filing for divorce. He then filed as the plaintiff and had me served at the same time as my father’s open heart surgery. He also tried to set me up and incriminate me by staging three separate events.

He continued to spin an evil web of lies and deceit that put me on a crazy wheel. He maliciously used manipulative tactics like Gaslighting, Words of Affirmation, and Verbal Abuse. Scott accused me of hiding funds and having an affair, things he was doing himself!

Scott started alienating me from our finances and stopped paying the credit card bills. He refused to give me any money, which forced me to stay in the marital home for the sake of our children, and thus began my nightmare incarceration in his House of Horrors. Scott blatantly began to violate the very orders that he put in place by cashing out stocks, forging my signature, and hiding funds.

Scott invaded my privacy repeatedly. He started breaking into my files, my emails, my bedroom, and my car. On two separate occasions I called the police, fearful for my safety.

Scott’s behavior started metastasizing like a cancer that, throughout our marriage, had been eating into the relationship, damaging it beyond repair. Now, however, I was seeing how deadly and malignant Scott could really be. He set out to ruin my life and my relationship with our children, my very sanity. To him, it was a game, one he had to win at all costs. He gave me no choice but to play by his rules.

And just like a cancer, he didn’t care what he destroyed in his lust to win; eating my life away, piece by piece.

Here’s a Brief Recap of January’s Events:

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATIVE TACTICS (the first 3 of 17)

Emotional Manipulation #1 – Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt oneself, and to ultimately lose their own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies or an extreme exaggeration of the truth. The term is derived from the 1944 film, “Gaslight”, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane by forcing her to question herself and her sense of reality. When someone is gaslighted, the narcissist will tell you, “That didn’t happen. You imagined it. You’re crazy. You’re delusional.” In a nutshell, the narcissist will lie and that instills doubt. Scott now proclaiming that he never agreed to reside in the guest bedroom during the divorce was a perfect example. It’s easy to see how powerful this can be, as it allows the abuser to deflect all focus from their own actions and shift it to something completely irrelevant. Or, Scott would twist it so I would doubt my perceptions of what really happened time and time again.

Emotional Manipulation Tactic #2 – Words of Affirmation

“Words of Affirmation” are just what you want to hear from your significant other – that they love you, how important you are to them, they are sorry, and how they will never hurt you again. The only thing is – you never hear these things from them unless you are extremely upset and threatening to walk away. Or when they feel the need to exert their power over you in some way. It could be when you’ve reached your boiling point, like a frog about to jump out of the pot, but these words of affirmation are what your abuser knows will get you to stop being angry and stay. Unfortunately, this probably isn’t a true feeling of love or respect for you. It’s just giving you what you want to hear (or gifts) to calm you down – that’s appeasement, not love.

Emotional Manipulation #3 – Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is when a person forcefully criticizes, insults, or devalues someone else. Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions in attempt to control another through non-physical means. Verbal abuse, and most other types of abuse, is caused by an underlying disorder. Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopathy. Healthy people might occasionally lose their temper, leading to an outburst, but a consistent pattern of hurtful verbal abuse can only be the result of a deeper problem.

STAGING

Staging #1 – Scott lied and sabotaged my attorney and filed as the plaintiff

Staging #2 – Amicable recording

Staging #3 – Scott planted a BB gun in my bedroom, claiming to be afraid for his safety

POLICE REPORTS

Police Report #1 – Missing tax files/chasing me into my bedroom

Police Report #2 – Locksmith, gaining key, and entry to my bedroom

FINANCES

– Scott excluded me from finances

– Scott depleted our local bank account

– Scott refused to pay visa bill

– Scott demanded my ring to sell for attorney fees

– Scott changed statement mailing address to his office

– Scott Sold E*Trade Stocks and changed statement mailing address

– Scott had E*Trade stock check overnighted

– Scott cashed $71,000 check at Chicago bank

– Scott removed/hid Puerto Rican Bank Statements

INVASIONS OF MY PRIVACY

– Scott refused to move to guest bedroom as previously agreed

– Scott broke into my bedroom repeatedly

– Scott hired a locksmith to break into my room and get a key

– Scott broke into my home computer files

– Scott hacked my personal emails

– Scott broke into my locked car and stole files

MY FIRST MONTH

– My father had heart failure, heart surgery

– I hired my 2nd attorney

– I hired a (CDFA) Certified Divorce Financial Advisor

– I met with Chicago Bank and got an ATM card working

– I began working on interrogatory questions

– I hired a locksmith

– I moved Scott’s items to the basement

– I called Police twice

– I began to research, read and understand

Our divorce wasn’t going to be amicable or peaceful as Scott professed over and over. He had declared war; trumpets blaring, sword drawn, and riding high on his horse. He had always threatened he would do whatever it took to destroy me, to leave me with nothing and ruin my relationship with our kids. True to his words, January was just a small taste of things to come. In the months to follow it would get worse. Much, much worse.

War of the Roses? Nah, I wish. That was peanuts. It was just the beginning of my Year of Thorns.

Police Report #2

September 5, 2018Leave a comment

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January Journal Continued . . .

Today I returned home from Chicago to find that Scott had hired a locksmith and gained access to the master bedroom — the lock that I had installed just a few days prior. It was pick proof, but not locksmith proof. (This was just the start of the Locksmith Fund …. more than a dozen visits over the course of the divorce costing more than $1,000.)

“It’s my house, my room and now I have the key,” Scott said. “There’s nothing you can do about it. Legally I have the right to be here.” Taunting me, he refused then to give me a key. There was no sense in trying to reason with him. Even with our counselor reaching out to him, reminding Scott of our agreement, Scott will do what he wants, when he wants with no regards for my privacy. He meant to torture me, throw me off balance.

Scott went through my files on the home computer before. This time I discovered he went through my personal files I kept locked in my bedroom. Is nothing sacred? Can’t he allow me one place to be my personal space? No! Now Scott had the key to use anytime he felt like gaining access to me and my room! I won’t stand for it! Not now. Not anymore. Why was he so obsessed with my personal space? I just couldn’t wrap my head around it! It was abuse no matter how you looked at it.

In a panic and angry I called the police. How am I supposed to continue to live in fear with no privacy and no sleep? I couldn’t just pack up and leave, forced to stay in the marital home for the sake of our children with no money of my own. (Police Report #2.)

The police came shortly thereafter and asked Scott to give me a copy of the key. Reluctantly he obliged. I asked the officer what I could do about Scott consistently breaking into my bedroom? I told him how Scott had terrorized me numerous times in the middle of the night. I told the officer how Scott had assaulted me before and how his anger outburst scared me. The officer proceeded to tell me, “Legally you both own the house. Therefore, he has the right to access your bedroom, regardless of your agreement. Unless it’s written in a Court Order, there’s nothing we can do.”

But one officer did suggest I contact the Personal Protection Order (PPO) offices as an option. I had been there before back in October when Scott hurt me the last time. But that was a while ago. Usually to file a PPO there had to be evidence of recent physical harm or eminent danger. Did I have to wait until I was beaten again, or worse? In the meantime I contacted my attorney – apparently there was an alternative option. I needed to file a Motion for Exclusive Use of the Home. It was obvious Scott was not going to let this divorce be amicable or peaceful as he repeatedly stated over and over. His actions proved otherwise.

(Looking back, I think this was all a part of Scott’s intricate plan to get me out of the house with his constant invasion of my privacy. More on that later.)

Exiled

The following day I removed Scott’s access to all my social media accounts, including Facebook. He went ballistic. Scott couldn’t stand not having access to my accounts, by bedroom, my car. I was a piece of property he owned and everything that went with it.

So in retaliation once again, Scott said he is taking our oldest son, Brandon to Las Vegas for his 21st birthday and our daughter to Miami for spring break. Scott knows I don’t approve, which I stated on record. Brandon had just gone on my birthday cruise, which was also to have been his early 21st birthday present. Lindsey was going to California.

I don’t understand where all this money was coming from? I expressed my concerns while taping the conversation on my phone to Scott. I stated, “these extra trips of yours were not planned jointly nor agreed upon. Therefore you are the one now violating the MSQ and MRO orders as you so often accused me of doing.” Scott just laughed and walked away. The rules didn’t apply to Scott. (And, he got away with it all. Spend now, ask forgiveness later rule.)

F is for Felony

September 1, 2018September 2, 2018Leave a comment

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January Journal Continued . . .

Scott left again on another one of his business trips. I am beginning to question his ‘business trips’ which seem to be increasing in frequency. Not that I mind. I am glad, even grateful, when Scott is away. I can’t sleep when he is at home, I’m always afraid he will pick the lock on my bedroom door, day or night.

While Scott is away, the texts have started rolling in like a thunderstorm. Scott continues to proclaim that our agreement with our marriage counselor never took place stating “You’re crazy. I never agreed to stay in the basement; you’re delusional to think that you have the right to lock the door and keep me out of my own bedroom!”

In another text Scott threatened, “I will call the locksmith when I get home if you still continue to lock the door.”

Desperate and sleep-deprived, I reached out to our marriage counselor, Sally. I asked if I misunderstood our arrangement. Was I delusional? Had I misinterpreted our conversation that day while in Florida? That was one of the worst days of my life, holding my sobbing father after hearing his life was at stake, and then choosing OUT of our marriage per Scott’s ultimatum. To my relief, Sally confirmed that “Yes,” during the conference call from Florida Scott had agreed to reside in the basement guest bedroom. She reassured me stating “I will reach out to Scott and remind him of the agreement.”

I immediately took a photo of her text and saved it to a zip drive. I have started stockpiling loads of texts and emails against Scott should we go to trial. (Thank goodness I started keeping track of literally hours upon hours of videos and recordings as well as hundreds of emails and texts, in addition to this journal.) This evidence will be crucial later when questioning my recollection of events, dates, times, etc. as well as my reality which has been brought into question numerous times because as Scott implied “I was delusional.” However, I have come to realize this isn’t true. Our agreement with our therapist is a perfect illustration of the crazy wheel Scott kept me spinning on. I have to constantly reach out to friends, family, therapist, and my own journal to validate my perceptions and beliefs breaking down any self-doubt.

While Scott was away on his current ‘business trip’ we later discovered that without my knowledge and approval Scott cashed out some of our stocks and took the check sent by overnight express from E*TRADE, forged my signature, and withdrew more than $71,000 in cash from our Chicago bank. Not only did Scott violate both the MRO and MSQ orders, he committed a felony by forging my signature!

Words of Affirmation – Emotional Manipulative Tactic #2

August 29, 2018September 12, 2019Leave a comment

ring

Emotional Manipulation Tactic #2 – Words of Affirmation

After Scott’s last physical attack in October, I threatened to leave. Scott then claimed to have an epiphany, that he would change and do whatever it took. He bought me Hallmark cards of affirmation daily and wrote me letters stating how much he loved me and was sorry for all that he’d done in the past. (Looking back I think he was just buying time, hoping I wouldn’t press charges or file a PPO – Personal Protection Order.)

Upon returning from my birthday cruise (that he went on without me), Scott presented me with a beautiful platinum 5 diamond ring stating, “Happy Birthday. I love you with all my heart and I want to make (US) work. It was the nicest piece of jewelry he ever gave me. But his words didn’t sound sincere, even then. So Scott was making this grand gesture at the time trying to save our marriage by buying me gifts and showering me with words of affirmation. “I will change and do whatever it takes” he proclaimed. That lasted about a month, if that.

January Journal Continued . . .

I awoke to Scott shaking my shoulder. I bolted upward and asked with my heart pounding a million beats per second. “What do you want now?” indignant that he had picked the lock, again. Sleep was becoming difficult. I never knew when he would ‘pick’ the lock and let himself into my bedroom. My bedroom had become my invisible prison. It was the only place I felt somewhat safe. But was it? After all, according to Scott it was HIS house, HIS room and HE could enter anytime HE felt like it with no regards to my wishes, privacy or our agreement; which apparently never took place. I was crazy and delusional.

Standing over me in the dark Scott clamored “Where’s the ring I gave you for your birthday? I need it back!”

“What? It was a gift. I’m not giving it back to you” I said, refusing his demands, pulling the sheets up trying to protect myself (and hide the ring I had on).

In the most patronizing voice Scott could muster, he demanded, “I need it back so that I can pay attorney fees!” He said, angrily shouting at me, now holding out his hand expecting me to comply.

Groggily I actually laughed with disgust upon hearing this. Rolling over, turning my back to him I replied, “Nope. Sorry” hoping that he would go away and leave me alone.

I firmly believe if it came in a box, wrapped with a bow and a card that said Happy Birthday, it’s a gift. If he feels that he needs the money that badly, let him sell one of the numerous watches or electronics I had bought him over the years. It was ridiculous – and why that ring?

Not happy, Scott replied “Well, we will just see about that after I speak with your attorney. Good luck on paying your attorney fees!” He knew I didn’t have any money of my own, that all our finances were held jointly. And, he was making sure that I didn’t have access to those funds. Threats and more threats filling me with worry and fear. Exactly what he wanted.

It took me hours to fall back asleep after he stomped away. Damn him for making me worry, not to mention scaring the hell out of me in a deep sleep. I had the ring on, thank goodness, and I was scared he would try and rip it off my finger. I bet he had gone through my jewelry already looking for it. After that night’s incident, I wouldn’t put it past Scott to take anything of mine worth value.

Once again, we later learned that day Scott had sold additional E*TRADE stocks and changed the statement mailing address to that of his work office. That way I wouldn’t see his selling/moving of our funds. This also was in violation of both the MRO and MSQ orders.

Battleground – January

August 28, 2018August 28, 2018Leave a comment

War of the Rooms

I made a mad dash for the master bedroom, purposefully going to bed earlier than usual to claim my ground. While I was sound asleep, Scott picked the lock once again. Startled, I awoke to Scott poking me on the shoulder. Obviously rattled with a angry tone he asked me, “What did you do to MY (not our) Merrill Lynch account!”

Stunned and baffled why he woke me up, I assured Scott, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t done anything to your account.” Reluctantly and obviously agitated, he gave up and stomped out. I was grateful he left, and didn’t climb back into my bed again.

Stupidly, I admit that I had left all the finances up to Scott. It was my job to pay the bills and run the house. Scott would always make sure there was enough money in the checking account to cover those bills each month. That was our arrangement over the years. Scott invested our savings into various stocks through E*TRADE, Merrill Lynch, and into investment properties.

New Attorney #2

men s wearing black suit jacket and pants

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After much searching, and five consultations later, I found and hired a large firm with a good reputation to handle my divorce. I explained my marriage history and warned my new attorney, Bob, that I think this was going to be an ugly divorce. This was already evident by Scott’s threats and behavior already. Bob reassured me that this is normal, and that his large firm will protect and serve me well. I signed the appropriate documents, handed Bob my retainer and a copy of my original filing for divorce along with our box of tax files for him to copy.

Interrogatory Questions

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After I shared my new attorney’s information with Scott, we immediately received his interrogatory questions for me to answer. Bob was stunned. He has never seen such an extensive packet of questions. According to him, I have just 28 days to complete literally hundreds of questions. These ranged from the typical financial questions to the ludicrous such as “#121 – Describe your current emotional and physical state,” or “#78 – Why do you think you are a good parent?” Those types of questions weren’t simple yes or no answers, and will take me hours upon hours to prepare. I can’t figure out what Scott hopes to learn from his extensive list of questions. I am a simple housewife. I have nothing to hide. All our bank accounts are joint. In return, my attorney sent out a standard set of interrogatory questions for Scott to answer with a few tweaks here and there.

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Financial Alienation

Since the day we decided to file for divorce, Scott has put me through deliberate and intentional alienation from our finances. He shut them down, stating it was his house and his money. Scott refuses to give me money, knowing I don’t have a working ATM card with our main bank in Chicago. I always thought it was strange that he kept our bank account in Chicago, even while living abroad. After we moved back to the States, Scott still kept that account, even though the bank is more than a three-hour drive away. Scott coordinated most of our banking and managed the checkbook. We had opened a small account at the local credit union who financed our mortgage, but there is never much money in that account.

It wasn’t until months later that I learned Scott had once again hacked my Yahoo email account; once at 7:17 a.m., and again at 8:39 a.m. that day. He was also busy violating both the MRO and MSQ Orders moving joint marital funds around and selling off E*Trade stocks. Now it all made sense, why Scott was so upset when he had problems accessing the Merrill Lynch account that day.

Loneliness – Part 2, Loneliness v. Alienation/Isolation

August 17, 2018August 25, 2018Leave a comment

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Loneliness is normal. It can be both a good and bad thing. On the positive side, solitude can be an integral and indispensable part of the human condition, absolutely essential to self-exploration, growth, and understanding. It’s in those moments that forces you to reflect, research, learn and understand which ultimately leads to healing.

Many times loneliness is triggered by certain life circumstances out of one’s control such as death, children heading off to college, parents separating or finding yourself single when all your friends are married. Other times, loneliness comes from alienation/isolation from your friends and family members. Narcissists have an arsenal of abuses, but isolation is one of their foremost weapons. My ex knew one of my greatest fears is being alone.

Knowing this, Scott isolated me from my family and friends, enabling him to manipulate and control. Moving as often as we did, it was easy. Not only that, when it comes to their partner and children, narcissist isolate them from the outside world, from one another, and even from their own sense of reality.

I recently read an article that loneliness is is related to sense of self: the less solid and stable sense of oneself there is, the less connection to our innermost true self or “soul” we have, the more likely we are to suffer from painful loneliness. In a way, we are unable to fully appreciate our own company, to amuse ourselves, to be good friends and companions to ourselves. This commonly occurs when the narcissist makes us question our own feelings, thoughts or values, which results in low self-esteem, bad boundaries, pathological anxiety, and an inability to tolerate aloneness because of the loneliness it brings. In a sense, we are unconsciously missing and lonely for ourselves.

Once I made the conscious decision to leave Scott, beginning with my Lightbulb Moment, I struggled — and so I began to research and educate myself. I also reached out to friends and family for support. Tragically, when survivors reach out for support, their family and friends often dismiss their experience, due to the fact that the narcissist had already planted those seeds of alienation and launched a smear campaign, further isolating and confusing the survivor.

To make matters worse, very few people truly understand narcissism, isolating sufferers even further. is just one more way that a toxic narcissist will abuse you. Everyone needs a certain amount of social and interpersonal connection and contact to maintain a healthy emotional state as I stated in my previous blog – and the truth is, this need is nearly equally important as other basic survival needs like food, water and sleep.

When isolation doesn’t work, that’s when the narcissist will attempt to launch a smear campaign. I will talk more about this later in my blog. By doing so, their preemptive strike sabotages your reputation and slanders your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on — especially when you try to break free of that toxic relationship.

Many people lack the imagination to understand things beyond their immediate experience. But, to add insult to horrible injury, narcissistic personality disorder is so particularly complex, insidious, ruthless and destructive that it is virtually impossible to comprehend unless you’ve lived it (or something like it) first hand. Even if they know something about the disorder, most people have no idea what narcissistic abuse really entails.

How to Find Support

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often try to go it alone. Fortunately these days there are many resources about narcissism and its related trauma. Books, blogs, websites, online forums, and YouTube videos, often created by survivors themselves, are now widely available. But they don’t replace personal support. There are many people experiencing what you are going through. Seek them out through your network of friends, support groups, and online forums. If you have a loving partner, educate him/her about what you’ve been through. Find a therapist who is trained in narcissistic abuse recovery. Don’t let the narcissist continue to isolate you even after he is out of your life.

Loneliness can often take you into the deepest depths of despair. Don’t let the narcissist win. Now is the time to swim, kick back to the surface, reflect, understand and find those people who support the best you. Find what makes you happy. Be happy with yourself. Believe.

Isolation pdf

Why stay in a relationship that is toxic?

August 7, 2018September 9, 2018Leave a comment

Why Did I Stay?

Why did I stay despite everything? Many of us get into unhealthy situations because our partners held up a facade. I felt I had met my soul mate — that one special person in the universe just for me. It’s no surprise that I fell in love with someone like that! Scott once seemed perfect, but once I was married the relationship changed slowly over time due to children being born, job changes, and other major life changes. Eventually I began to see a completely different side of him. It was clear that I had married Dr. Jekyll and was living with Mr. Hyde, or the Supreme Being. The person who once seemed perfect became an angry, demeaning, demanding, and harshly critical narcissistic psychopath. Sure there were warning signs from the very beginning, but I was in love and felt an obligation to stay. Plus the sex was off the charts.

For most people in abusive relationships, we carry around with us internal obligations that tend to make us want to stay in the relationship. One being the feeling of love for our partner. These feelings can persist and be very strong even when our partner doesn’t give or show us love in return. We stay because of the few crumbs fed to us along the way with words of affirmation and/or actions along the way. Like a carrot dangling at the end of a rope. The second is a feeling of responsibility and obligation to our partner, our family, and even others beyond that. Our disordered partners often work hard to build up this feeling of obligation, hoping it will keep us locked in despite the way they mistreat us.

I also stayed because of the way Scott’s manipulative behavior effected how I viewed myself. He made me the victim, and my acceptance of that role allowed Scott to keep his control over me. Scott projected his issues onto me, leaving a husk of the person I used to be, to feed his ego. I didn’t see through Scott’s ruses. I didn’t call them out fearful of his repercussions. I allowed Scott’s behavior to go unchecked by not actively taking a stand against it — and for good reason. When I did stand up to Scott, he punished me, abusing me both verbally and physically. I failed from the beginning to set proper boundaries.

Scott started the negative comments and hammered them home until I believed it entirely. When you start to feel so low and worthless, you genuinely believe that they are your best option. You believe that no one else will ever love or accept you because that’s what they’ve conditioned you to think – even friends won’t accept you. Because of that, you fear the thought of being alone (one of my greatest fears). You think no one else will fill the gap in your heart that has been pried wide open with manipulation and malicious criticism. You fear that all the insults and criticisms were true. I let harsh words and his poisoned opinions rule my thinking.

Alienation was also a major factor why I didn’t leave. While living abroad for ten years having three small children including one with special needs, I just couldn’t pack up and leave. We moved so frequently it was easy for Scott to alienate me from friends and family that supported me. I was also alienated financially, having given up my career to support him in all our moves. We relied solely on Scott’s income. My career was long gone. I was terrified at the thought of getting a job having been out of the workforce for so long with my skillset being significantly outdated, or so he made me believe.

The rest was fear, plain and simple. Fear of the unknown and Scott’s continuous threats I’d heard so often: if I ever left, he would leave me with nothing and ruin my relationship with the children. Scott did exactly that. But I did survive, and I hope that our children will one day come to understand his illness and forgive me for staying as long as I did in a toxic relationship that ultimately dragged them into the middle.

We often stay in abusive relationships for reasons that are healthy, even though the situation isn’t. Scott projected his insecurities as a detached parent onto me making me question my sanity and parenting abilities, the very thing that mattered to me the most. Then there was my internal conflict to keep the family unit intact for the children. But soon I realized while my vows were pulling me in one direction, the need to care for myself and my children in the other direction had to be my priority. I had to save myself and my spirit if I was going to take care of our children, stopping this dysfunctional modeling, hoping they would learn what a healthy relationship is eventually.

When we think about making major changes in our lives, our thoughts naturally go to the world around us. We not only want to do what is right in principle; we also want to do what others will approve of. I guess one of the things that surprised me most in my educational journey was how strong this feeling was for me. I was always a people pleaser, needing validation and social acceptance. I hated being alone. I was really carrying around a strong feeling that an awful lot of people would judge what I did, especially living in such a small community. Even writing my book/blog, I worried what others may think knowing what happened behind the closed doors of our seemingly perfect Facebook life.

I felt shame and embarrassment; I never thought I would get divorced, no matter what Scott did to me. I had to work hard to get a handle on this. In reality, people didn’t really care. The negative judgment from others really isn’t there. The thought that I am a good mother because I kept my family unit intact needed to be set aside, replaced with thoughts that are centered in more basic ideas. “I am a good mother” because I care about my children. Now I have the courage and ability to hopefully be a role model to my children. I want them to also be free from their father’s manipulation to truthfully assess the goodness of their lives. I am a “good person” because I love and care for myself, my children, and for others.

It’s time to believe.

Believe . . .

To accept (something) as true; feel sure of the truth.

Hold (something) as an opinion; think or suppose.

Believe in yourself, your intuition, your courage, your strength, your future.

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Year of Thorns

What to expect when divorcing a narcissist

Tag: alienation

January Recap ….

F is for Felony

Words of Affirmation – Emotional Manipulative Tactic #2

Battleground – January

Loneliness – Part 2, Loneliness v. Alienation/Isolation

Why stay in a relationship that is toxic?