One of the most painful parts about a relationship with a narcissist are the accusations, name calling and labels they place on you. Scott would accuse me repeatedly of doing all sorts of behaviors that at a logical level I knew I would never do. These things included being unfaithful, mentally unstable, an unfit parent, selfish, and spending money excessively. When a Narcissist accuses you of such atrocities they are actually speaking to a mirror, projecting their own behaviors onto you. They do this so convincingly that they make you question the validity of their claims and harsh words driving it home until you actually believe it. This is known as the Mirror Effect.
It’s difficult to express the hurt and the intensity of what he consistently said to me. In what I now understand to be his narcissistic rages — where he incessantly tried to destroy me and my integrity through the most brutal and damaging verbal assaults that his formidable intellect was capable of. Yet my ability to describe what happened Ito this day is still limited, mostly because I feel that my words can’t possibly portray what actually transpired. His behavior was so intense, so irrational, so without provocation or motivation, that surely no one could believe it unless they had seen it or lived it themselves. Why this brutality erupted into my life, I do not know. There is no justification; there is no excuse for such evil.
On one occasion HE surprised me by working from home. I thought he had already left for work, and I jumped a mile when I walked into the kitchen and found him going through my purse. In a knee jerk reaction, he launched a verbal attack, diverting and deflecting the attention away from him being caught. (DEFLECTING & PROJECTING).
He stated, “I can’t wait for your deposition. Then everyone will see what a crazy bitch you are, and a horrible parent.”
According to him he claimed “You know, all your friends have turned on you. And I have evidence to prove it.” (ALIENATION)
The final kicker he closed with was “Where did you get the cash in your wallet? Are you banging a bunch of guys from Tinder? You’re a fu**ing whore!”
Whatever, I knew he was just blowing smoke and attempting to deflect the attention. I wasn’t dating, and I wasn’t on any dating sites (but he was). I tried to let it go. I chose not to engage or respond to his hurtful comments. But that only enraged him more. He then went on to call me ugly inside and delusional and threatened to file another motion against me for my supposed excessive spending. (FEAR.) Let it go. Don’t engage. So hard.
2 thoughts on “Emotional Manipulative Tactic #13 – The Mirror Effect”
I hope to read this later, but one other tactic you should know about is when the abuser tactfully assaults you, leaves no marks and tells everyone they didn’t do it, and worse gets another person to say they were there to back them up.
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yes, my ex was abusive both verbally and physically. Even staging events trying to put me in jail. It’s terrifying always having to walk on egg shells. Maybe we could call it the egg tactic!
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