Narcissist throw a smoke screen over whatever it is that you bring up and use another issue as a diversion from the actual topic. Narcissist don’t want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable. If you really want to talk about the issue that’s bothering you, you’ll have to continually try to get back to the subject at hand, which is difficult in the first place. And then of course there’s the fear of their reaction.
When I confronted the narcissist about anything, he would change the subject or make everything seem like a joke. On one occasion during our divorce, after his constant invasions of my personal space I asked him, “Why do you keep breaking into my room and going through my personal files?”
The Narcissist replied, “You’re the one that abandoned the family,” completely changing the subject in attempt to shift the blame. If I complained about his neglectful parenting, he would point out a mistake or event that happened years ago. Somehow he would turn the tables on me.
When I asked the narcissist about his non-status quo purchases during our divorce, he replied, “Why don’t you get a job so you can pay for all your drinking with your new boyfriend.” I wasn’t out drinking and I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time. It was frustrating to say the least. But over time I began to learn and recognize the pattern and his smoke screens. It’s not me. I’m not crazy.
I also learned there’s no arguing with the silver tongued devil. I would never win, nor would I ever get the answers to my questions through his smoke and mirrors.