Staging #1 – Sabotage

person standing near lake

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 January – Time to Go Home   

I did as much for my father as I could.  I’d found a surgeon who agreed to do surgery in two weeks.  In the meantime, I’d hired a nurse to assist my father daily. The kids were now back in school after the Christmas break and Scott was back at work.  I couldn’t avoid it any longer, it was time to go home.

Scott assured me through texts that he would remove his things from the master bedroom before I returned home. We had agreed with our marriage counselor during our conference call that day I was at the hospital in Florida that he would remain in the home during the divorce (to my chagrin), and that he would reside in the guest bedroom.   I was still very apprehensive if we could both live in the marital home during the divorce.  Scott was still continuing to send me horrible texts messages, claiming what a terrible wife and mother I was.  I’m not sure what he was trying to gain by doing so?  His threats that he would destroy me if I ever left him, still echoed through my mind.  I’d hoped they were just that, threats.  Why would Scott want to destroy me?  I was a faithful, loving and supporting wife.  I gave up my career to support his and gave him three amazing children.  

Home

My first night home I was disappointed to find that all of Scott’s crap was still in the master bedroom.  He failed to move his things to the guest bedroom as he had promised. I ventured out of my bedroom to grab a bite to eat.  That’s when Scott asked to speak with me regarding our decision to divorce. Reluctantly I agreed, accepting the fact that I couldn’t put it off any longer.

 “Do you still want a divorce?” Scott asked, with tears in his eyes. He stated “I haven’t hired an attorney yet. It’s not too late to change our minds.” He seemed so sincere.

With a lump in my throat, I replied, “Yes, I want a divorce and I’ve started the paperwork.” Scott pleaded that I reconsider our divorce – almost a half-hearted last-ditch effort.  He finally conceded when he saw that I had made up my mind. 

Scott then asked “Oh by the way, can I have your attorney’s name and contact information?  Once I hire an attorney of my own we can have them work out the details. No need to bring the children or work into this.”  Thinking nothing of it, I shared my attorney’s contact and firm information with Scott. (Big Mistake.) Relieved to have that conversation done, I headed to bed.  

Little did I know that Scott had already found out I was filing for divorce from my friend’s husband, and he had hired a high-priced combative attorney out of Detroit.  Each time Scott’s attorney appeared in court, it cost more than $3,000 just for the drive time, paid with our joint account.  And there were many, many court appearances ahead.

Sabotage – Staging #1

Scott lied.  It was all an act.  Scott hired an attorney previously and tricked me into giving him my attorney’s name and contact information.  With that knowledge, he’d hired her firm for his company. That’s when my attorney called and claimed that, due to a conflict of interests, she could no longer represent me. Catherine pulled my filing for divorce.  

I was furious knowing it had to be Scott’s undoing.   It was too much of a coincidence. Catherine had been my attorney on retainer since 2014.  I had signed and submitted my filing for divorce more than a week prior, thinking it was entered into the court system.  To Scott, this was a game he had to win at any cost.  Scott sabotaged my relationship with my attorney and filed himself.  (I was able to verify Scott lied later when reviewing our finances and saw that he had hired and paid his attorney from Detroit 3 days prior.)

Narcissistic Injury

Now Scott becomes the Plaintiff, and would proclaim at every opportunity to anyone who would listen that he is divorcing me in the months to follow. It is all about his ego.  The termination of a relationship represents rejection and abandonment; two things the narcissist fears most.  Narcissists have a deep, inner fear of abandonment and will not make it easy for one to have any type of amicable break-up.  They suffer from what Sigmund Freud calls “narcissistic injury.”  Since the day I left on our anniversary and throughout the months to follow Scott would accuse me of abandoning the family over and over.

Over the following year during our divorce, Scott staged more than 30 events changing the course of our divorce through lies and deceit; making me look like I was crazy and/or attempted to put me in jail.  Sabotaging my attorney #1 was just the beginning.  Amicable?  LOL