Recently, I was a guest on the Retrieving Sanity Podcast, and one of the things we talked about was a term that comes up often in narcissistic dynamics: DARVO. I wanted to share it here because once you know what it is, you start to see it—and it can help you make sense of conversations that leave you feeling confused, guilty, or like you’re the one on trial.

DARVO = Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

• Deny: “That didn’t happen,” “You’re exaggerating,” “You’re making things up.”
• Attack: Criticizes or discredits the person speaking up: “You’re crazy,” “You’re the problem,” “You’re always starting drama.”
• Reverse Victim and Offender: Flips the roles so they appear like the victim and you become the “offender”: “I can’t believe you’d accuse me,” “You’re hurting me,” “I’m the one being attacked.”

In simple terms, DARVO is a way someone avoids accountability by denying what happened, attacking the person who speaks up, and then turning the tables so they look like the victim.

Link to the episode: https://www.youtube.com/live/U5c8U88G1VQ?si=fc37lmg0l6eJWeZG